So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize