Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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