i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
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Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
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I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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