Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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