i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
We just shotgunned beers for America
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
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Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
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Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize