Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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