Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
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I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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