it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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