I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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