im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
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