I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
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I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
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A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I still have a little drunk in my system
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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