Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize