Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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