There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
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any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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