You really coming over, don't trick.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize