i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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