Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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