I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
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I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
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Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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