i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
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Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
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I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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