I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
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Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
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I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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