I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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