..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize