I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
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His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
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Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
We have so much sex to catch up on
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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