I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize