i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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