Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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