I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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