a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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