We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
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It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
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There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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