Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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