Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
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I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
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tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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