Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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