plz talk dirty to me
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
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He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize