I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
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afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
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As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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