you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
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The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
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Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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