I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
either way he was missing a nipple.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Randomize