i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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