Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
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