Plan B is the new Plan A
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize