it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
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i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
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You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
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