I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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