Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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