just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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