Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
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Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
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Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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