You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
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