I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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