i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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