i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
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Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
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Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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