I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize