My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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